Burn the Capes: A Plea for Authenticity

Can I tell you the single most encouraging thing that anyone has ever told me about marriage? I was a newlywed sitting at a friend’s kitchen table, without the foggiest idea of what a honeymoon phase might look like. Kellan and I had made a violent crash landing into “I do” in … [Read more...]

How My Fitbit Ruined My Entire Life. [Tales From My Demon-Bracelet.]

Two weeks ago, Kellan and I were given twin Fitbits. You’ve heard of them, I presume? Gender-confused electronic bracelets designed to track every step you take and every mile you run, all in a valiant effort to coerce America into laying off the ho-hos. Kellan and I saw a lot … [Read more...]

Tales From a Haunted Corn Maze.

It all started when three of my favorites came to visit for Halloween. Haley, Strick [names unchanged because I HAVE NO INTEREST IN PROTECTING THE GUILTY] and Gretchen [another innocent victim] are some of my dearest friends on the planet. I'd spent weeks eagerly anticipating … [Read more...]

What Y2K and my Mother in Law Have in Common.

New Year’s Eve 1999 found me wide-eyed with unabashed glee at the prospect of the impending doom about to descend upon civilization as I knew it.  An uncertain world was curiously teetering on the brink of Y2K, and in a startling flight from rationality my parents had decided … [Read more...]

Let’s Give Them Something to Squawk About.

It started with a chicken. I suppose to be more precise, I ought to confess that it was really the chicken population at large that did it to me. There I stood, standing in front of a glass case at the grocery store, staring wide-eyed at a veritable mountain of egg cartons. … [Read more...]

What Sisters are For.

My little sister called me a couple of weeks ago, proudly informing me that she was going to prom. This was a profoundly disturbing announcement, given that in my mind she is still a tubby two year old with sprightly chestnut pig tales, and a fond penchant for purple feather … [Read more...]