Hey, Julian.

My a-DORABLE twelve year old little sister received an “anonymous” heart shaped lollipop at school for Valentine’s day yesterday.


I find this to be slightly suspect for a myriad of reasons. You might want to sit down-the emotion is still rather raw for me. I have, in fact, only recently stopped hyperventilating. But the paper bag is sitting right here for just-in-case purposes.

  1. She. Is. TWELVE. When I was twelve, I didn’t have the foggiest idea as to what a boy was!
  2. Well, that’s what I’ve told Emily. And I would consider it a personal favor if you’d be a dear and go along with it.
  3. Because to me, she is still four. With pigtails. And an incessant giggle. And chocolate shoved up her nose. We’re similar like that. I am in denial.
  4. But really, twelve is still positively infantile.
  5. Excuse me, my paper bag and I are going to need a minute.
  6. Now. Given the fact that Emily happens to be the most wildly intelligent twelve year old baby on the face of the planet, the little savant knows precisely from whence the lollipop in question came. It’s from a boy named Julian in her band at school. Apart from having a horridly pretentious little name, he apparently can’t play the trombone even a little bit, has a bad attitude, a worse cowlick and is altogether entirely unimpressive. If it had been anything other than a heart shaped lollipop she would have marched her baby butt right over to his gym class, hurled the thing at this head, and told Julian to fugghedaboutit.
  7. But really, who can resist a heart shaped lollipop?
  8. Me. They’re like diabetes on a stick.
  9.  I don’t like candy.
  10. Like me, Emily is impossible to surprise. Thus, anonymous Julian was not so anonymous.
  11. Julian is currently sobbing into his trust fund.  

Emily always has a crush on somebody or other. But at this point, I’m rather unconcerned-given the simple fact that

Em and Dad before a dance at her school. She looks like she's 25. Waaah!

 the Jonas Brothers still trump every other male in her life.

But the day some unfortunate male trumps Joe Jonas, we’re all in for a wild ride.

Especially if he brings Em a bouquet of heart shaped lollipops.

Hey Julian. I know how to kill someone and make it look like an accident.

Na, na na nananana.


  1. Tricia King says:

    Thanks, Ash. . . :)

  2. Haha! That one was all for you. ;)

Speak Your Mind